Football widows rejoice! There is hope! This Daily Mirror front page features the story of your chosen name, who finds his or her prized collection of football memorabilia listed on eBay, thanks to their disillusioned partner.
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Red Card for football fan (Male First Name) (Male Surname)
(Football Team) addict loses prize collection
By Chief News Editor
The frustrated partner of the world's biggest football fan is selling over 14,000 items of (Team) souvenirs, hoarded by footie-mad (Male First Name) (Male Surname) including a prized pair of “lucky pants”.
“I knew it wasn’t worth telling (Male First Name) it was me or (Team)”, she fumed, “because I knew the silly fool would have chosen the team. So instead I’ve put the whole lot up for sale.”
“At first (Male First Name) went to all the games and collected all the match-day programmes. The football fanatic would also buy the odd replica shirt and maybe a key-ring or mug but nothing out of the ordinary. Even when (Male First Name) admitted to having a pair of ‘lucky’ Y-fronts, I didn't think it was strange.”
However, when (Male First Name) began reciting players’ names inthe dead of night when we were both asleep, that's when I knew things were getting bad. Next, (Male First Name) started rejecting food that wasn’t in team colours."
“After that, there was a big win that he said was all down to the lucky pants,” raged the very frustrated spouse. “The daft lunatic then refused to take them off. This was six months ago and (Male First Name) still hasn’t changed them. I think we may have to have them surgically removed.”
The addict's 'other half' finally snapped last month when the stash of souvenirs crashed through the ceiling, destroying a coffee table and showering a family friend in match-day programmes, old scarves, small test-tubes of players’ collected sweat and used athletic supports.
The next day the football fan's partner opened an account with online auction house eBay, and put the entire collection up for sale. As well as the unwashed lucky pants, users can bid for items including some turf ‘borrowed’ from the team’s ground and a small cup of water drained from the team bath.
Also for sale are a full set of match-day programmes and over 400 replica shirts. Postage and packing for the entire collection is set at £32,000 as the lucky pants, officially classed as a biohazard, require secure transport. Bids so far have reached 52p, with the winning bidder being a (Team) fan who intends to use the collection in his fireworks night bonfire.